To become a follower to Darlene's blog, click on the "follow" tab at the very bottom of the screen.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Not for the Squeamish: Embracing the Bad

Frequent conversation:

"My daughter died.”

“How did she die?”

“She committed suicide.”

Most people express their sympathy but do not probe further.

However, more often than I expected:

“How did she do it?” Followed by protestations of denial and disbelief.

Mom says she wants to retort “Why? Do you want to try it too?”

Why do people disturb our grief with inappropriate questions? Today’s meditation from Meditations for Survivors of Suicide included the following statement: “Cherish the good times; embrace the bad experiences your loved one knew; learn from them but then let them go.”

Looking through Jolene’s pictures, we remember the good times, the happy, joyful girl whom everyone loved. Reading the poetry, we recognize the inner pain she felt so often, almost constantly, in fact. But the one bad experience that troubles me now is the manner of her death.

Jolene didn’t just commit suicide. She hung herself.

I prayed about it this morning. I wouldn’t feel happier or at more at peace if she had gone a different way. But the thought of the agony she endured scratches my soul. I’m not sure if I should try to push it down or take it out, dust it off, and examine it in the clear light of day.

Well, I must have decided to take it out of the box, at least for a few minutes. Because feelings don’t stay pushed down; they leak out, often at inappropriate times. And this blog is my safety zone.

It makes no real difference. Nothing I do or say or think or feel will change the facts. She is with God, at peace, beyond physical and emotional pain. However awful the manner of her death, it is over.

Nonetheless, I ache about it. Mom aches about it. Pray with us for peace about it, please?


Tanya Hanson said...

Oh Darlene, I pray every day for you, your mom and the kitty. Our animals miss us, too...I'm sorry I haven't written lately...Tim is in remission, praise God, and I have been such Susie Homemaker taking care of him. Every day he gets better. Tomorrow I am guest-blogging at a wonderful Western romance site, Petticoats and Pistols, if you want to wander back in time with some of my family's antique photos. I will write more soon via e-mail...may visions of a summer sunset and a field of flowers and the scent of lavendar warmed by morning ease your bad memory. And yes, Jolene is with God, the ultimate location.


Darlene Franklin said...

Petticoats and Pistols! How cool. Mary Conneally is one of their "regulars" and she set up this blog for me. (And she is a FANTASTIC writer who is one of my fellow Heartsong Presents: Mysteries! authors)

We won't be envisioning summer sunets and fields of flowers here today. SNOW is predicted. :)

jaranfranklin said...

I wish I had the answer, but I have the same questions. I'm able to go through the emotions more when I peer into what her final moments must of been like, but a question arises. Am I doing more harm than good by going to those places? I don't know. I will pray for you and grandma and me.

Darlene Franklin said...

What's the balance between looking and turning away? We don't want to drown in our imaginations, but neither should we shut the door. If that makes any sense.