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Sunday, April 6, 2008

Family matters

Today I’m going to write about something that makes me look bad. Maybe.

My ex-husband’s family held a memorial service for Jolene today, in the state where he lives. For some reason that really bothered me.

Without going into details, my divorce from my ex-husband left us both bitter. I have come a long ways towards forgiveness and letting go. I thought the funeral arrangements demonstrated the change. I bent over backwards to accommodate his requests—even the request that we hold the service on Friday instead of Monday, which meant we could not adequately inform local friends.

I thought I had grown, that is, until today. My ex planned the service and date without any consideration of whether or not I could, or would want to, come. I was angry.

A wise friend advised me, “This service is for him. Not for Jolene.” And I was totally satisfied with the service we held. It was beautiful, meaningful, comforting. I had no reason to resent a second service. The ugly truth was, not only was I angry—I was jealous.

I’ve heard that family squabbles often interfere with grief. I just didn’t think it would be me.

Love your enemies. I’m trying, Lord.

This week I return to a normal work hours; that means an eight-hour day tomorrow. Your prayers are appreciated.


Tanya Hanson said...

Darlene, you are in my prayers so much!!! I fortunately have always had happiness inside my four walls, but the rest of them (brothers, sisters-in-laws, our moms...) really cause havoc with our emotions and well-being. It is soooo hard to let go and to pray for them. To pray for peace. So in a bit of a way, I know your feelings. Just a bit though.

God hold you close.

Lianne said...

I'm praying for you extra hard today, being your first day back to work. God bless and speed your continued "recovery" as you get your life back together.

Mary Connealy said...

Anger is a normal part of grief. I suspect you need someone safe to be furious with and guess who is elected...and who better. :)