Maybe God directed my thoughts towards the "whys" of suicide last night. Today three different people (without reference to yesterday's blog) have shared their understanding of what drives a person to suicide.
One gave a rather secular explanation, from her clinical counseling experience. "Suicide is the final act of self-determination," she said. She gave the rationale that is used to support assisted suicide. Someone choosing to end their life now because they can tell it's only going to get worse.
I can see Jolene feeling that way. She wanted what all young women want, financial security, a loving husband and family, a home of her own. I suspect that on that final night, she felt she had lost all of that and would never have it.
A writer friend wrote that "the Lord takes the 'gems' home early ... because their work is done here." (although the whole issue of God's sovereignty and suicide is another question entirely.)
Yes, Jolene compacted a lot into her short life. She lived it to the full. And now she is enjoying life in heaven, ahead of me. In a way I envy her peace.
A minister gave voice to an opinion that clicked with me. He said that there are broken minds as well as broken bodies (which I totally believe). And that just as a broken body may bring death, so may a broken mind. In a sense, Jolene had no choice. If I want to blame anything, I could blame her illness (borderline personality disorder).
I hope I don't turn you off with these rambling thoughts on suicide. I learned long ago that there is no satisfactory answer to the "why" questions. God didn't answer Job; He didn't answer Habakkuk; and He won't answer me. Except to remind us that He is God, and He is good. With Habakkuk I say, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength." (Habakkuk 3:17-19)
I am in a good place tonight. I returned to choir rehearsal tonight; with William Cowper, I discovered the Light that surprises the christian when she sings.