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Sunday, April 27, 2008

Empty Chair

Jaran, Mom and I sat at a square table. The fourth side stared back at us, daring us to mention the missing member of our family.

Something about having Jaran here made Jolene’s absence more palpable. Because until March 17th, Jolene was the 4th member of my immediate family. I have no one else: mother, son …. That is it. No husband, no brothers, no sisters, father’s whereabouts unknown. I know that deaths often come in threes. I don’t even dare to express my fear. What if God takes Mom? What if He takes … Jaran? I can't afford to lose any more.

This weekend was doubly hard for Mom; many of Jolene’s knickknacks came from her home in Maine. The work multiplied her sense of loss exponentially. Jolene, her home on the coast, a lifetime in New England , her husband of 28 years.

Mom’s in good health. I have no reason to expect her to die. And I affirm that whatever happens, God will enable me to bear it.

But I will rest easier in my spirit when a year has passed and the three of us are still here.

1 comment:

Janice Thompson said...

Hi hon,

I know what you mean about "it happens in 3's." After my dad died, then my sister quickly followed, I held my breath for months after. (Remember, I fell down the stairs and broke the six bones in my leg/foot two months after my sister died? I was so sick after the surgery, I actually thought I might die. And I was so low emotionally, that it felt impending almost). But you know what? I didn't! And no one else did, either! Life rolls forward - and with each day that passes (or rather, each month, each year) the pain lessens. I promise. I wouldn't waste my breath saying it, if it wasn't so. You don't need to fear what's coming next. GOD is coming next. Meaning, His presence, His power, His love, His healing. HE is a member of your immediate family. . .the husband, the sister, the brother, the father. And HE is right there, wrapping you in His arms.