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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

exhaustion

Tonight I’m SO tired.

My first week back at work. I sailed through Monday and Tuesday and the first half of today. Along about 4 this afternoon, I started … slowing ….. down ……

Last night I didn’t sleep very well. I was in bed for the requisite number of hours, but I woke up every hour or two and didn’t get back to sleep for a few minutes. Not a restful night. Add that to a normal work schedule and tonight’s cold rain, no wonder I’m tired.

I got great news yesterday: another book contract (can’t give details until I actually sign on the dotted line.) That always buoys me up, and right now, it’s a welcome distraction. I can focus on writing a good story and not … mope.

But as glad as I am for the contract, I pray that I can write and grieve. Because it will come when least expected, draining me of all energy, feeling like a lighthearted romance or mystery will make me puke.

I trust God’s timing. And for tonight, I’ll curl up with a warm blanket and catch up on some of that missing sleep.

And I’ll dedicate this book to my daughter who rejoices with me in heaven.

7 comments:

Mary Connealy said...

Congratulations on the contract, Darlene.
Hope you rest well tonight

susansbooks said...

I have a problem that is causing me as much grief as the death of a child; because of my Christian daughter-in-law and her bad conflict resolution skills, I have virtually lost contact with my oldest son and my two oldest grandchildren. This caused a fallout with my unsaved son, who did not contact me that much before, and now never does. My youngest son is the victim of several mental health disorders, as am I, so he is off in his own little world. I lost my oldest son and my only daughter as part of the detritus of divorce. So my life-long hopes for a close family have died in the water. I am desperately trying to look at this from God's perspective. I have a sign right next to me in my office that says, "More of Him, less of me." I know that God ALWAYS has my best interests at heart, so there has to be a God-shaped reason for this. Actually, I seem to have lost everything in the last couple months that makes a life a life, so I am constantly testing the saying, if God is all you have, He is all you need. My struggling club and I have a saying that buoys me up every time I think of it: He's still in the fire, and He's walking in the flame! Hallelujah! To make matters worse, my Christian son who is causing all this grief is going overseas to Kuwait and Iraq. He is bringing up things that I have been forgiven of, but struggled with, my whole adult life. My husband told him that while my two unsaved sons have the right to treat me with disrespect, as a Christian child, he does not, but he keeps insisting that he has a right to tell me when I do something displeasing to him. PLEASE, Father in Heaven, giver of peace, cover me!! I never thought this would happen to me with this child!

Darlene Franklin said...

Susan,

It sounds like we've been done many of the same roads. Feel free to let me know a way to speak with you privately.

Darlene Franklin said...

We've been DOWN many of the same roads. Proofread, Darlene!

jaranfranklin said...

Mom,
I love you. Great news about your new contract! I am getting some comfort out of reading your blogs. I am glad you met Hannah Grace & Jolene. I know our Father is not vindictive and wouldn't send those girls across your path unless he wanted to comfort you.

Four weeks ago this morning was the last time you spoke with her. I don't know what else to say, but Shannon O'Hara can always come up with something. On Sunday, at the memorial service, it wasn't until it was over and I had a chance to go near her remains in the marble vault that I broke down. My left arm was over the vault and I said in my heart, "Well sister, we never thought we'd end up here, did we?" I got my composure back and walked to where the others had gathered. Before I make it halfway Shannon comes dashing towards me and gives me a great big hug, and I couldn't help but sob like a baby. After a moment or so she says "It'll be okay." And then, in as matter-of-factly as possible she adds, "Besides, you'll see her again." It was almost insensitive, the type of thing only the heart of a child can say and still be charming and just what you need to hear.

Hope you had a good day and can get some good zzz's tonight.

Darlene Franklin said...

Precious Shannon (my granddaughter) and Jaran (my son). Thank you for telling us all!

chloe-ster said...

Congratulations on the book contract, Darlene! Once again, I want to let you know you're loved and prayed for, daily. While I found myself thinking of Jolene before, I find myself thinking of her daily now. Her sweet and gentle spirit continues to inspire me to soften a bit.

Love and Blessings to you and Anita,

Chloe