Maybe God directed my thoughts towards the "whys" of suicide last night. Today three different people (without reference to yesterday's blog) have shared their understanding of what drives a person to suicide.
One gave a rather secular explanation, from her clinical counseling experience. "Suicide is the final act of self-determination," she said. She gave the rationale that is used to support assisted suicide. Someone choosing to end their life now because they can tell it's only going to get worse.
I can see Jolene feeling that way. She wanted what all young women want, financial security, a loving husband and family, a home of her own. I suspect that on that final night, she felt she had lost all of that and would never have it.
A writer friend wrote that "the Lord takes the 'gems' home early ... because their work is done here." (although the whole issue of God's sovereignty and suicide is another question entirely.)
Yes, Jolene compacted a lot into her short life. She lived it to the full. And now she is enjoying life in heaven, ahead of me. In a way I envy her peace.
A minister gave voice to an opinion that clicked with me. He said that there are broken minds as well as broken bodies (which I totally believe). And that just as a broken body may bring death, so may a broken mind. In a sense, Jolene had no choice. If I want to blame anything, I could blame her illness (borderline personality disorder).
I hope I don't turn you off with these rambling thoughts on suicide. I learned long ago that there is no satisfactory answer to the "why" questions. God didn't answer Job; He didn't answer Habakkuk; and He won't answer me. Except to remind us that He is God, and He is good. With Habakkuk I say, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength." (Habakkuk 3:17-19)
I am in a good place tonight. I returned to choir rehearsal tonight; with William Cowper, I discovered the Light that surprises the christian when she sings.
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4 comments:
You certainly don't bother me with your "ramblings" on suicide. I think it's good that you're putting your feelings into words and sharing them with us. And though I didn't know Jolene personally, I tend to agree with Mary who said in the comments on he last post that she did what she did because she was confused and wasn't herself in that one tragic moment. I don't believe the secular explanation for suicide, although I believe it is an attempt to comfort those left behind. If it were me, I would feel more comfort in what Mary said than in that clinical answer. I continue to applaud your attitude. How you can "Praise Him in the Rain" acid rain, in your case, is still a great witness to me. May He continue to fill you with His grace and strength.
I am so glad you found a good place, Darlene. And you can ramble here anytime. You are a tremendous example to me in my struggles. The "why" always puts me in a bad place, ...so I pray to get covered in His amazing grace. He usually pulls through for me :)
I hope and pray that each passing day gives you comfort and happy memories.
Hi, Darlene, just letting you know I checked in and am keeping you in my prayers.
You can't know who this blog might help--might even be a life saver for.
You gave some good insights here. I think the hard part about times like this are the questions that aren't answered as completely as we'd like them to be.
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