Lately I have been feeling that I don't WANT to live the rest of my life without Jolene.
In saying that, I don't mean that I'm suicidal. Depressed, probably, but in no way wanting to end it all.
Just a statement of pain. Of kicking and screaming that I don't want Jolene to be gone.
Perhaps that's why the following statement from A Grief Unveiled by Gregory Floyd resonates with me. Gregory lost his 5-year-old son John-Paul in a car accident.
"When I would think about living the rest of my life without John-Paul, of never seeing him again, the thought was unbearable. But when I would ask myself, 'Can you make it through just today without him? Can you make it from morning until evening?' I would think, 'Yes, I can.' One day at a time, I could handle. One day at a time was all there is grace for. I had hope for tomorrow, but grace only for today." (italics mine)
Amen! His words connected with a truth I learned a long time ago. When I couldn't expect a good day (24 hours) with Jolene because of her many problems, I looked for a good hour. Minutes, if necessary. God gave me grace moment by moment, day by day.
Grief will work the same way. I don't have to have grace today for my birthday in August. I only need grace to get through the evening and have a good night's rest. That's all I should petition God for.
One day at a time, I will make it.