Jolene has been on my heart all weekend.
It started with Jaran's phone call on Friday. He was going to her grave to leave flowers. "Do you have anything you want to say?"
Mom spent the rest of the day in tears. It didn't hit me until I connected the date--the 13th--with Jolene's actual date of death. I was thinking about the 17th, the "official" date."
Three months. Three months. Has it really been that long?
Anyhow, I am aching, hurting, wanting to wake up and find out it's all a bad dream. It's like an amputation. I keep looking for the phantom limb which is no longer there.
Add to the anniversary our pastor's Father's Day sermon: characteristics of a perfect father, based on God our Father from John 3:16-18. He pointed out that God is good; how do we explain all that bad things that happen to us? That led to another point: God allows us to make our own choices. And choices, good and bad, that other people make, impact our lives.
Jolene's choice to end her life is a prime example of a bad choice that continues to rip through my heart.
We also cleaned out most of the storage unit this afternoon. The last of Jolene's physical possessions.
A hard weekend. I ache, body and soul. I can only affirm that in some way I do not see or comprehend, God will work our tragedy into some beautiful good.