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Monday, June 16, 2008


Happy or sad? Or both? Nah, I'll save one for tomorrow.

I'll continue with thoughts from yesterday.

A friend wrote to me today about her daughter's wedding plans. In a purely selfish moment, I said, "I'll never get to experience that." (Selfish because I don't want to diminish her joy.)

It made me think again of the feeling of amputation. Everyone who has two legs continues to walk. They feel badly for my missing leg, but ... they walk. They have places to go, things to do, life to live.

Whereas, I stumble around on one leg. Trying to figure out props will help me move. Knowing that nothing will ever be the same as having my own leg attached at the hip, no matter what I do.

Something as simple as looking forward to my next three-pay-check month (only twice a year). The next month falls in August, when I am paid on the 1, 15, and 29.

Mom said, "That means your birthday will be on a Sunday" (August 3rd).

And the same thought struck both of us at the same time. Just like Jolene's birthday was a Sunday. Our birthdays always fell? fall? on the same day of the week. Mom cried.

My next birthday reminded of us last year--the hours Jolene spent decorating the living room--she made and decorated the cake. I looked at the ceiling fan and said, "We'll never drape crepe paper from corner to corner again." Jolene worked so hard to make it a special day for me, that she was too tired to enjoy it.

A year of firsts. A new guests to my blog said today that birthdays will be hard. I believe it. But God will see us through. I hold onto that.

Tomorrow maybe I'll share my happy story.


Deb said...

My heart is with you Darlene. Hold tight to Jesus. Deb

Mary Connealy said...

Your reference to amputation reminded me of reading that the loss of someone you love needs to be compared very closely to an amputation. The physical pain, the disability, the ghost feeling that the limb is still there.

Darlene Franklin said...

You got it, Mary.