It is my privilege to welcome Cara Putman to my blog tonight. Cara is a fellow Heartsong author and also writes for Love Inspired Suspense. We met through ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers).
Please read as Cara shares about the heartbreaking loss of miscarriage.
In this blog, I have been processing the loss of my daughter to suicide. The experience of loss is universal. What significant loss have you experienced? How has it impacted your writing?
Until January 2007, I’d experienced what I now call candy-coated Christianity. Not that my life had been perfect – In fact there had been several tests to my faith as I grew up. But in that January I was confronted with a test that shook me to the core of my faith when I miscarried.
We already had two children, but my husband and I knew our family wasn’t complete yet. But this time it wasn’t a simple matter to get pregnant. We had tried for months, undergone basic infertility tests, and rejoiced when the test turned positive. We told family and friends before the end of the first trimester – we’d never had any problems with my earlier pregnancies, so we wouldn’t this time. Right?
Then I went in for my first prenatal visit and heard those words you never want to. “Either you miscalculated or you will miscarry. It’s simply a matter of time.” The next day we had an ultrasound that confirmed our worst fears. Then began the process of wrestling with God and trying to decide what to do next while battling grief at the loss.
No one in my immediate family or my husband’s had experienced miscarriage so no one knew how to support me. Yet God surrounded me with friends who cried with me and carried me through the experience, letting me know I wasn’t alone.
What central truth did you learn through your loss?
I struggled with how I could reconcile the fact that I firmly believe God is good and that He has nothing but plans for my hope and future with the reality of that loss. Especially as I dove back into the cycles of trying to get pregnant again. But even as I cried and questions and railed and felt anger and abandonment, I knew He was still God and I chose to believe He was who He says He is. Even as my heart felt fragmented.
It’s still hard, even now that I hold our precious daughter in my arms. She was my mother’s day present this year. But I still cry sometimes when I see babies that are the same age as my little one in heaven.
What books or characters resonated with you in your time of loss?
Lainie’s struggles in Sandhill Dreams were a direct result of the issues and emotions I wrestled with that year. And my next novel will tackle these issues head on because the hero and heroine are married and experience a miscarriage. I imagine those emotions will flood back as I write those chapters. But since 25% of recognized pregnancies end in a miscarriage, it’s critical that we understand how that impacts the families.
You have recently published "Sandhill Dreams” and “Deadly Exposure." Please tell me a little about your books.
Sandhill Dreams With her dreams shattered, will Lainie Gardner allow God and a soldier at Fort Robinson to breathe life into new dreams that will bring her more joy than she imagined?
Deadly Exposure: With a stalker closing in, will television journalist Dani Richards trust her former love and police investigator Caleb Jamison to help her and God to rescue her?
What last words would you like to share with my readers? How can they find out more about what God is doing in your life?
During life’s tragedies – because they will come – our choice is: will we trust God or are we going to turn inward and become bitter. I am comforted by Joseph’s words to his brothers in Genesis 50:20: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…” We can say the same thing to our Enemy. I pray God will let me see some of the fruit of my experience in this life (and I have), but even if I don’t see or understand here, I will in heaven. And someday I’ll get to meet that baby, and I can’t wait for that.
People can find me on the web at www.caraputman.com and at my blog http://carasmusings.blogspot.com where I review and giveaway books, talk about my writing, thoughts on life, and more.
Thanks so much for inviting me to your blog, Darlene. I’m praying for you as you walk through this dark time.