Today it is my privilege to welcome Jude Urbanski, a fellow romance writer. She shares her experiences of her loss when an accident turned her family's life upside down.
On the Subject of Loss
Grief is universal and evergreen, but the specific grief journey after the loss of a child by suicide requires more courage than most of us have. In these instances, only God’s outrageous grace enables and the tincture of time heals.
In my life, I don’t know why God has chosen loss so often to speak to me, but I am the woman I am because of these losses. I’ve learned that every experience in my life is God-filtered. My story is not unique; it’s just mine. Yours is yours. Grief is universal. Grief is evergreen.
Reading and, later on, writing were my passions even before I had significant loss, but my first published book stems from my most profound loss. The book, I Can’t Remember Me, was written as a way to heal from my daughter’s one-car accident in which her six year-old-son was killed and she was so injured from a traumatic brain injury that the young mother who finally returned to us was not the same woman. The story is long and dark, but God gave us light at the end of the journey. Our joint book captures our family’s journey of the grieving process in the roller coaster ride from despair to hope.
The major central truth I learned from this loss is that God was on the journey with me. This is my answer when people ask “Where was God when you were going through this?” At times it did not seem God was there, but I learned that when it became really dark, I could see the stars all shiny and bright overhead. The old Chinese proverb says it this way—“it’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” A writer friend puts it another way—“redemption shines brighter on a darker canvas.”
I probably do write to process my feelings. Especially when I journal, write prayers or poems or letters. With fiction, I write because I want to tell a story to entertain and for people to enjoy.
Jesus the man, Jesus my Savior, always resonates with me during loss. Sometimes He comes in almost unbelievable ways, but lets me know He’ll never leave. As far as authors whose works are memorable to me, I’d have to say Max Lucado’s works and Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance.
Our book is two years old, but we just sold 750 copies to a library distributor! I Can’t Remember Me can be found on our website (www.judeurbanski.com), from our publisher (LangMarc Publishing), from us personally, on Amazon and other on line market places or any bookstore can order it.
Both my daughter and I continue to write. My bent is inspirational romance, but I also do non fiction pieces. After a dreaded diagnosis three years ago, I made choices which would allow me to devote more time to writing. God has honored my desire.
If you’ve suffered loss, remember, we can become strong in our broken places.
Jude Urbanski 7/16/08 www.judeurbanski.com firstname.lastname@example.org