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Monday, May 19, 2014


My reasons to celebrate motherhood: My son Jaran, my daughter-in-law, Shelley, and their four children: Shannon, Savannah, Jordan and Isaiah

My therapy hours have become fun times for conversation. On Friday, we discovered we had a couple of favorite books in common: Wild at Heart and Captivating by John Eldredge. Those books became best-sellers based on their clear understanding of the different needs of men and women.  Am I "the man"? Can I protect and provide? or "Am I beautiful? Will someone rescue me?"

Am I beautiful, inside or out? My gut reaction is a solid "no." I have abused my body, I'm overweight, I have scars up and down my body. Inside, people call me beautiful, but as I told Darrin, "I know the real me, the one who gets mad at the aides, cross and mean and complaining."

Before you step in to reassure me, I realized how much I sound like one of my friends here, who brushes away any attempt at a compliment. Today, when she wanted to help me get my oxygen tank to my room (she's in a wheel chair as well), I told her, "you're sweet."

Automatic answer: "No, I'm not."

I revised my statement. "You always want to help people."  And you know what? She accepted the compliment and thanked me.

And I realized how much my complaining and apologizing for my many outbursts make me like her--refusing to see myself for the beautiful woman God created me to be.

Not saying my actions are always okay. But I shouldn't allow them to define me. Too often I do.

I know I'm not the only one out there who struggles with how I see myself. Let us see our selves as the princesses God created us to be (for the ladies, of course.) For the men, the best word might be warrior!

Together, we can conquer the world.

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