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Sunday, January 3, 2010

True Confessions

I have a confession to make (beyond the fact I didn't blog over the holidays).

I am really struggling with sleep. Lately I have been sleeping later ... and later ... until now it is common for me to sleep until noon. Of course I'm also often awake until midnight ... or later ... but I'm not working that late.

It's so bad that I tried to stay up all night (or at least 18 hours) on New Year's Eve. I was awake until 5 a.m. ... slept until 5 p.m. Then back to the same pattern the next night.

Is the problem the sleeping aid I take? I started taking it when I struggled with falling asleep after Jolene's death.

Is the problem depression?

Do I need the structure of a job where I'm required to arrive at a specific time?

And until I know what the problem is ... I don't know what to do to "fix" it.

Needless to say, this wreaks havoc with my accomplishing much of anything. I get up, write a little, sometimes visit Mom or Jaran--more often not. Watch a bit of t.v. Eat (too much). Go back to bed. Not the life I want to live.

There. I've revealed my deepest, darkest, shameful secret. Any suggestions, anyone?

Resolution #1 for 2010: Get back to a realistic schedule!


Susan Page Davis said...

My suggestion is set your alarm for a certain time (same time) every day, and get up whether you feel like it or not. And do something constructive. I say this only after knowing you tried the "stay up all night if you're not sleepy" ploy. And yeah, I'd consider chucking the sleep aids. But I'm not an expert.

Denise Miller Holmes said...

It sounds like emotions to me. I get like that when I am unhappy or anxious. After some introspection, I've found that I sometimes don't feel safe at night, so I stay awake. The light of the day makes me feel safe enough to sleep. I don't know what your situation is, but I'm just sharing what I've found to be true for me.

Ruthie said...

I'm a night owl too - and could stay up late, but I try to go to bed earlier and read a book. That relaxing in bed with a book usually makes me sleepy. Then I get up at my normal time in AM. I also have several things I do every day - even tho retired - it does make getting up and getting busy easier. I agree with Susan - try not use sleep aids - not the best to use long term.
Take care my friend. Blessings for a wonderful 2010.

Carla Gade said...

I get like that sometimes in the winter - seasonal affective disorder. But it is worse of course if you are grieving which seems to come in bits and pieces and often takes you by suprise. I will keep you in my prayers, Darlene.

Karla said...

What a joy to know someone who's "dirty little secret" is . . .a messed up sleep schedule! My friend, you are a jewel. With all you've gone through in the past few years--both with tragedy and transition--I'd all that a pretty good track record. It is a testament to your faith and your hard work that you are doing so well. Couple of things: I seem to remember a friend of mind citing research that said the most creative time for some folks is around midnight. Have you ever heard that? I'm wondering if this has more to do with your body/mind trying to honor your calling and less to do with you being "lazy" or whatever. Food for thought, anyway.

One thing I know to be true: this isn't bigger than you. MUCH larger problems have not stopped you. This certainly doesn't have a chance of doing so.

Clairessa said...

turn off the TV/computer at least an hour before bed,get ready for bed, and read a book in bed (nothing that will keep you jazzed for hours, just something interesting). Have a set bed time (or "between such and such a time" should be your bed time), and whether or not you're tired, go to bed. set your alarm for a reasonable time in the AM, and stick to it. Your body will eventually get used to the schedule.

Clairessa said...

Also, complete darkness is very important to achieve as much ofthe REM sleep phase as possible. Maybe a white noise machine, too. I know the white noise helps me to sleep.