True Confessions

I have a confession to make (beyond the fact I didn't blog over the holidays).

I am really struggling with sleep. Lately I have been sleeping later ... and later ... until now it is common for me to sleep until noon. Of course I'm also often awake until midnight ... or later ... but I'm not working that late.

It's so bad that I tried to stay up all night (or at least 18 hours) on New Year's Eve. I was awake until 5 a.m. ... slept until 5 p.m. Then back to the same pattern the next night.

Is the problem the sleeping aid I take? I started taking it when I struggled with falling asleep after Jolene's death.

Is the problem depression?

Do I need the structure of a job where I'm required to arrive at a specific time?

And until I know what the problem is ... I don't know what to do to "fix" it.

Needless to say, this wreaks havoc with my accomplishing much of anything. I get up, write a little, sometimes visit Mom or Jaran--more often not. Watch a bit of t.v. Eat (too much). Go back to bed. Not the life I want to live.

There. I've revealed my deepest, darkest, shameful secret. Any suggestions, anyone?

Resolution #1 for 2010: Get back to a realistic schedule!