I had decided not to think (overmuch) about how much I miss Mom and Jolene on this day. Yesterday God gave me comfort from the oddest verse in 2 Kings, and I wrote about it at http://mydailynibble.blogspot.com/
I intended positive news today until this morning, on GAC, the first time I have seen the video and never associated with country music, they played "Held" by Natalie Grant. It goes in part "To think that providence would take a child from his mother while she prays is appalling."
In context, the song appears to be about an infant, but it applies just as well in Jolene's case. And with Natalie, I know "this is what it means to be held." The only thing that got me through those dark early days was the loving arms of God, holding me close.
If you don't know the song, go ahead and listen to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABjNDl2z7sA
Even more poignant--the song was one Jolene's favorites. We played it at her funeral.
I can and do affirm that God held me and delivered me through a "bitter hard time," the words used in 2 Kings. Perhaps that is the key: As a Christian, the time was hard. But with God, it didn't have to make me bitter. I hope I'm not being "proud" to say that I'm not bitter about it. It was "bitter" hard, mentally painful, but I don't believe it has resulted in "deep-seated ill will."
I will leave it there . . . the room where I work is buzzing people setting up for a mother's day party. Too loud for me to come up with something new to say. :)
For all the mothers out there with empty arms--my heart goes to you.
For all the daughters out there missing their mothers--we never grow too old for our mothers. (I had a lady with dementia come into my room the other night, calling me "mother." I'm sure she's older than I am.)
But our God, who like a mother hen protects us under his wings, is here, with us, in the present. May you find rest in Him.