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Sunday, June 17, 2012


I am listening to Joel Olsteen this morning. Now, I'm not overly fond of some of his style. And on another, this sermon might have struck me as "prosperity gospel"--if only my faith is strong enough, then I will receive whatever I want.

But today he is saying "wait with expectancy." And my mind jumps to Hebrews 11. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hmm. If I define faith the same way the author of Hebrews does, then "wait expectantly" fits pretty well.

You see, this past week I reached the breaking point, financially. My credit card is maxed out and my bank account has less than $100 in it. (and before you say it, yes, I've applied for all kinds of aid.) As I have watched this day approaching, I kept saying, "God, what next? Do You want me in a long term care? Are you going to supply the resources to pay for care so I can stay at home? Something needs to change. Is it me? Or do You just want me to wait on You to act?"

On Friday, the health care agency yanked my daily aide because my money has run out. A church friend is helping me temporarily but it's not a long term solution.

I am still waiting--expectantly--with a big dose of  "God, I know You work at the perfect time, but from where I sit, I need to make decisions. Now."

A measure of ostrich syndrome has kept me from aggressively seeking other options. But it was also a measure of faith. I planted the seeds of applying for aid. I watered the garden of my physical well-being through weeks of painful physical therapy.  And I've watered the garden of my work by submitting more book proposals and writing each day.

When will I harvest?

And what will the harvest look like?

Please pray for open heart, safety and wisdom.

Wait expectantly with me.


Robin Patchen said...

I commend your faith, Darlene. One of the countless things I love about God is that he doesn't demand perfect faith from us. He knows we will doubt, we will question His faithfulness, and we will slide toward worry sometimes. But God can work with that. He wants us to end up at that place of imperfect but expectant faith. That place of, "I'm scared, but I know you're going to act, so I'm waiting for you." Or, as the father said so succinctly in Luke, "I believe. Help my unbelief!" Continue to believe God for great things, and He will come through for you.

Karla said...

You are a woman of powerful faith, and an example to all of us when we are at the end of our road . . . thank you for sharing your journey with us so we can learn and grow with you.

You are a transformational writer, indeed.

God bless you and keep you, and may miracles of provision flow in!

Carla Olson Gade said...

Praying diligently for you, dear friend. I've had ostrich syndrome myself a time or two... So glad you are waiting on Him to provide with His glorious resources.