I am listening to Joel Olsteen this morning. Now, I'm not overly fond of some of his style. And on another, this sermon might have struck me as "prosperity gospel"--if only my faith is strong enough, then I will receive whatever I want.
But today he is saying "wait with expectancy." And my mind jumps to Hebrews 11. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Hmm. If I define faith the same way the author of Hebrews does, then "wait expectantly" fits pretty well.
You see, this past week I reached the breaking point, financially. My credit card is maxed out and my bank account has less than $100 in it. (and before you say it, yes, I've applied for all kinds of aid.) As I have watched this day approaching, I kept saying, "God, what next? Do You want me in a long term care? Are you going to supply the resources to pay for care so I can stay at home? Something needs to change. Is it me? Or do You just want me to wait on You to act?"
On Friday, the health care agency yanked my daily aide because my money has run out. A church friend is helping me temporarily but it's not a long term solution.
I am still waiting--expectantly--with a big dose of "God, I know You work at the perfect time, but from where I sit, I need to make decisions. Now."
A measure of ostrich syndrome has kept me from aggressively seeking other options. But it was also a measure of faith. I planted the seeds of applying for aid. I watered the garden of my physical well-being through weeks of painful physical therapy. And I've watered the garden of my work by submitting more book proposals and writing each day.
When will I harvest?
And what will the harvest look like?
Please pray for open heart, safety and wisdom.
Wait expectantly with me.