HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY? YES!

Today is the fourth mother's day since Jolene' death. And year by year, it's been a horrible day. Three years ago, Mom and I were reeling from our loss. Two years ago was my first day alone, since Mom had moved to Oklahoma. And one year ago, Mom's death was fresh on my heart.

Let's just say they were brutal. And I was prepared for a quiet, but not agonizing, holiday. Jaran's focus must be on his wife, the mother of his children. I wouldn't have it any other way.

But Friday night he called with an invitation to dinner last night. The simple joys of sitting with my son, his beautiful, sweet wife, and the two grandchildren of my body . . . what more could I want?

Jordan called me "Grandma" for the first time this week--and it felt almost as special as hearing Jaran call me "mama" for the first time all those years ago.

The joys of motherhood and grandmotherhood:

• Listening to Jordan squeal as we play a game of Peek a Boo.


• Applauding for her "concert" of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."


• Accepting her gift of macaroni and cheese spooned from her plate onto mine.


• Having her cry "Happy to you!" when I opened my gift


• Holding Isaiah and making him laugh


• Watching Isaiah stare at me, a smile fixed on his face, while Shelley feeds him dinner.


• Listening to my son make one of his silly jokes.


• Accepting hugs and kisses from Jordan.


• Hearing Shelley say "sometimes when Jordan laughs she looks so much like Jolene. . ."


• Enjoying music with my granddaughter--she must be my flesh and blood if she loves music (Shelley says Isaiah is the same way)

Last night, and today, I feel joy, peace, happiness, and none of the wrenching sense of loss of the last three years. I miss Mom and Jolene. But for today, I am thankful for what I have.

I thank God for today's sunshine.