This morning I got THE call. Someone from the hospital called to say "you'd better get here as soon as you can."
"You mean she's ..."
"We know she's DNR and we're keeping her as comfortable as we can. It's the rush hour. Take a deep breath, drive safe. She's not alone."
I jumped into my clothes and drove sedately through two school zones to reach the hospital. I couldn't help thinking about last Monday's blog, how I said I felt it was time, and then how all week her vital signs have been stable and she seemed to be getting stronger ... Yesterday she was hallucinating (barbecuing fish inside an animal's stomach?)and in a great deal of pain from a kidney infection.
The nurse said she suffered a heart attack. She lay on the bed, raspy, difficult breathing. I held her hand. "I love you, Mama." And I sang to her, songs from our old CMA days, Fanny Crosby songs. Songs of my childhood.
A friend from church came in, and then the pastor. Mom's breathing slowed even further and her pulse dropped further. I began singing again: Amazing Grace. Oh, How I Love Jesus. Oh, How He Loves You and Me. As I finished singing, Pastor Jason touched my arm and pointed me to the monitor showing all heart activity had stopped. He said, "You sang her home." Her homegoing was very peaceful.
Jaran arrived moments later.
We don't have any details yet as far as services.
Thank you all for praying with us through this difficult time. I am numb but at peace with the way everything happened.