Mom may be dying.
Of course the doctors won't say so, and at the moment her vital signs are stable. I may be wrong. But mild dementia has become pretty severe; she's worn out, body and mind; and in constant pain.
When Mom struggled so after her heart valve surgery, and I feared I would lose her, I prayed, "Lord, I'm not ready. It's too soon after losing Jolene." And God spared her, and spared me that unbearable pain.
This time, Mom went into the hospital because of pain in her back, hips and legs. When I saw her that night, every breath a groan of pain fraught with effort, I prayed, "Lord, take her home if this is what her life will be like." I can't imagine life without her--but I don't want her to suffer like this.
They've determined the pain is due to a hematoma on a muscle in her pelvis and untreatable. But by the time they figured that out, a host of other problems had erupted. She almost coded last Monday. She can't swallow at all, so she's being fed via a feeding tube, her mouth is dreadfully dry, and she's on oxygen. She refused to let the cardiologist do an angiogram.
Visits are hard. She lies on the bed, eyes wide open. Every small noise startles her. Her speech is difficult to understand. She doesn't want the television on. We've tried reading to her, but she doesn't like that either. So I sit in silence, speaking every now and then. I'm largely numb.
On Friday Mom turned 78; and she moved to a long term acute care hospital. She's in the ICU at Kindred Hospital.
Thanks for your care and your continued prayers.