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Monday, October 6, 2008

Mom's had a downturn

What an awful week.

Mom had her heart valve replaced and had one bypass last Thursday. The surgeon reported that she did well coming out of surgery and 24 hours later her recovery looked pretty normal.

Since Saturday, though, things have gone poorly. Her blood pressure remained too low (although today it looks pretty stable.) Her oxygen was too low (okay today). Her blood sugar keeps jumping around. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes she needs insulin.

And after monitoring her urine output and her kidney function, they decided to put Mom on dialysis today. Also of concern: she hasn't had a bowel movement since her surgery and they're worried about obstruction. Her lungs also need help.

My friend and critique partner Susan Davis wrote "I'm praying for you. I remember how awful it feels when you realize the loved one may not get better." Her father died almost two years ago, so she knows. She knows.

I know she's not at death's door. I know there is a good chance she'll make a full recovery. I don't dare say "excellent" any more.

But ... yesterday was the first time it hit me. Mom could die.

I knew there was a slight risk of death from the procedure. But failure to do the procedure meant almost certain death, and Mom's quality of life was decreasing on a daily basis. I absolutely felt surgery was the right thing to do.

But as her systems shut down and they take appropriate steps to bring them back to full functioning, I face the possibility: This could be it.

I'll never want to lose my mother. Many people my age (mid-fifties) have already lost a parent, and I know I'm blessed to have her with me. But barring the Lord's return, that day will come.

But, oh, not this year. Not now. It's too soon. I can't bear to lose my daughter and my mother in the same year.


Tami said...

I just found your blog today, just in time to come across this post. God's timing is perfect. I'll be praying for both you and your mom in the days to come - praying for healing, peace and wisdom. Hang in there. ((hugs))

nancy c. said...

I am sorry to hear about your mother and I hope that she makes a full recovery. It is hard to lose a parent. I still have mine but I know the challenges my mom faced when she lost my grandfather and I pray that you find the peace in your heart to deal with whatever comes your way. God Bless you.

Nancy Carranza

Kay Day said...

Praying for you and your mom. I haven't lost a parent, but have been with others when they've lost theirs. It's never easy. And you have your load of grief to bear already. I have no comforting words. But I will pray.

Robyn said...

Darlene Im praying for your Mom, Im at the hospital with my son Chris who was in a tragic car accident last week. God is a "BIG" God and he is able to heal!!!

Ruthie said...

I will be praying for you. I lost my mom and know the feelings you are having. Just remember: "If God brings you TO it, He will bring you THROUGH it!" and God will be with you through this time of uncertainty and stress.
Hugs and continued prayers.

Mary Connealy said...

How is she doing, Darlene. Let us know. She's in good hands with the doctors and with the Lord.